California comin' home

My family and I are out here again in Cali for Hokehankist, an Armenian word roughly translating into spirit rest. It was 40 days ago Grandma died, and on the fortieth day family and close friends gather at the burial site and honor the dead. Its hard to comprehend that someone you spoke to not a few months ago is now resting under several feet of earth. I do know its not truly at rest, for everyone in my family has been feeling her presence with them. I haven't yet, but I know she's watching over us and helping my family. Now that Mom doesn't work for NBC anymore she's going back to school and Dad has picked up some great long-term design work, so we're all thankful.

I've reconnected with some old friends this weekend. Mountain View put on Beauty and the Beast this weekend and I ran into many of my old friends at the show. Until then I had not missed high school, I was a different person, unsure, uncomfortable, insecure... ok I'm still all those things :) but now I'm happier. Now instead of feeling ashamed when I think of these people I feel a longing to share life with them again. Its an odd sensation, but I can't let it go, its a strange euphoria knowing that I'm closer to being who I want to be. Can't complain...

I realized that I used to try too hard–to please, to give, to be a friend, and that pushed the people I loved away. But the point isn't to give and expect but to be and adapt, to not compromise yourself while at the same time being aware of the needs of others and to not sacrifice your own needs.

I wish I could go back and fix myself and tweak myself in high school, but if those experiences meant that I've become better for them now, then I'm thankful.

Gawd, preach preach preach! I'm done, enough! Have a good weekend everyone!